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Accusation Audits: Diffusing Objections Before They Start
One of my clients was in a bit of trouble with his boss. He had messed up, and needed to defuse the situation. You’re probably going to find what we did strange. We used a technique called an “Accusation Audit” to help him turn a bad situation into a good one. It’s stating negatives and…
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Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast
“in the early years of the twentieth century, the most sought-after goal in the world was to reach the South Pole. It had never been done before in all of recorded human history…In November 1911 two “rivals for the pole” aimed to be the first to achieve this elusive goal: Captain Robert Falcon Scott from…
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“I don’t know, you might want to talk to Matthew.”
“I don’t know, you might want to talk to Matthew.” I had asked one of the best speakers I know to give me feedback on my speech, but he didn’t really know what to tell me. He recommended I talk to Matthew because he thought we both had lower energy speaking styles. Matthew told me…
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“You don’t understand.”
“You don’t understand.” Even if you do. Have you ever tried to tell someone you understand what they’re saying, but it doesn’t seem like they believe you? Maybe they keep repeating themselves, or have a look on their face that says, “you’re not getting it”. Try this. “Strongman” their argument. The goal is to state…
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“You hate Sabaya, don’t you?”
“You hate Sabaya, don’t you?” “I tell you I do!” This is a scene from Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. He’s negotiating with a native negotiator who hates the terrorist he’s negotiating with. Voss was trying to get him to empathize with what the terrorist was thinking and the native negotiator wasn’t having…
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She said she had it under control.
She said she had it under control. She didn’t. My client had just been pulled into a meeting with his boss and a teammate and was essentially told, “Fix this”. She said had the project under control, but a few days later told his boss that she was overwhelmed and couldn’t keep up. What happened?…
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He’s not listening.
He’s not listening. I’ll try again. I was on a call with a friend, but he wasn’t listening. I would say something and he would take a full minute to respond within “yeah.” or something similar. It was obvious that his mind was elsewhere. From the conversation that we did have, I was able to…
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Every Tool is Not a Hammer.
Imagine someone believes a hammer is the right tool for every single job in their house. They take this concept so far that they try (in vain) to wash their window with a hammer until the window is broken. That’s what it’s like if you overuse a communication technique. When you’re first starting, it’s fine…
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Brainstorming Labels
Today’s lesson is a 60 second exercise. Say or write down as many labels as you can in 60 seconds. Think of it like playing Jeopardy, you’re phrasing your sentences a certain way. “It seems like…”, “It sounds like…, “It feels like….”, “it looks like…” Any of those will do. Set a timer for 60…
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The Label Game
The Label Game will help you apply, rather than just understand, the concepts we’ve been learning. Click here to listen (4 min). This “game” was adapted from a technique shown in a recording of a Black Swan group workshop. Thanks for reading and listening! Do you want to share any insights gained, or any questions…