“You don’t understand.”

Even if you do.

Have you ever tried to tell someone you understand what they’re saying, but it doesn’t seem like they believe you?

Maybe they keep repeating themselves, or have a look on their face that says, “you’re not getting it”.

Try this.

“Strongman” their argument. The goal is to state their position as strongly and accurately as possible before you state your position. It’s the opposite of a strawman argument.

• Listen without interrupting.
• Repeat back what you heard as accurately as possible, making their argument more clearly than they did (if possible).
  • “It sounds like…”, “It seems like…”, “It looks like…”
• Wait for their response. If they don’t think you accurately articulated their point of view, try again.
• Keep trying until they say, “That’s right. That’s what I meant.”
• Only then share your point of view. You will have built trust that makes them more likely to give your opinion more weight than they otherwise would.

Josh