“You hate Sabaya, don’t you?”

“I tell you I do!”

This is a scene from Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. He’s negotiating with a native negotiator who hates the terrorist he’s negotiating with.

Voss was trying to get him to empathize with what the terrorist was thinking and the native negotiator wasn’t having it.

Voss showed him that he could show “unconditional positive regard” without condoning the terrorist’s actions.

When I was talking about that chapter with one of my clients, he asked me what “unconditional positive regard” is. I didn’t feel like I gave him a good answer, so I went look for a better one. Brave Search gave me a great, if long, AI summary. 

Here’s a shortened version:

Unconditional positive regard in “Never Split the Difference” refers to creating a sense of understanding and acceptance towards others, regardless of their actions or decisions.

It’s not about condoning or approving of someone’s actions, but rather acknowledging and accepting them as a person, despite their mistakes or flaws. By doing so, you can create a sense of empathy and understanding, which can lead to more effective communication and collaboration with others.

How can you show “unconditional positive regard” to those around you today?

Josh