Category: The Why Conversation

  • Reader Feedback: Bad Labels

    A reader is having trouble with the term “labels”. “I think I’m still struggling with the terminology — I feel like labels have a certain specific meaning in psychology (you attach yourself to labels that you give to yourself and other people, like “I’m a loser” or “she’s a downer”.) Is there another term that…

  • Accusation Audits: Diffusing Objections Before They Start

    One of my clients was in a bit of trouble with his boss. He had messed up, and needed to defuse the situation. You’re probably going to find what we did strange. We used a technique called an “Accusation Audit” to help him turn a bad situation into a good one. It’s stating negatives and…

  • Explaining Labels: Labels and Emotions

    Labels are primarily about emotion. You are amplifying a positive emotion or diffusing a negative one. “Once people get upset at each other, rational thinking goes out the window.”. If you can identify and label emotions, you can influence them. Enhancing positive emotions: It sounds like you love to do that. It seems like you…

  • Health Break

    Hello all, You may have noticed I missed a couple days of this list. I was ignoring my health and my body reminded me that’s not a good idea. I don’t think it’s anything too serious, but I need to pause the email list and slow down this week. I intend to resume our regular…

  • The Label Game

    This label game is designed to help you get used to using labels and mirrors. I got the idea from a workshop Chris Voss did and adapted it a bit. Please let me know if there’s anything that doesn’t make sense. Definitions A basic label is a single sentence observation, question, or statement that is…

  • Reader Feedback: Re: Brainstorming Labels

    It seems like I didn’t explain yesterday’s “Brainstorming Labels” concept very well. I got this feedback today: “I am a little lost/feeling some friction because I don’t have a full grasp of labels yet, and I don’t know what scenario I’m brainstorming labels in. Is it in a conversation with a client? Are there some…

  • Brainstorming Labels

    Today’s lesson is a 60 second exercise. Sometimes the hard part about labels is thinking of how to phrase them. Say or write down as many labels as you can in 60 seconds. Think of it like playing Jeopardy, you’re phrasing your sentences a certain way. “It seems like…”, “It sounds like…, “It feels like….”,…

  • Story: Using Mirrors to Build Deep Empathy

    Mirrors are another tool to build trust quickly. They take advantage of the fact that people like (and trust) people like them. This is the story of how a mirror triggered a client to tell a personal story (shared by permission). We’re doing audio today because we’re talking about vocal tones. If you prefer to…

  • Common Mistakes with Labels

    I annoyed a family member by talking too much about personal finance and offering unsolicited advice to them. They had their guard up and didn’t want to talk about it. When I learned about Never Split the Difference, I used a label that went something like: “It sounds like you don’t think there’s anything you…

  • Building Trust with Labels

    Earlier this week I promised to cover labels as a tactic you can use in Why Conversations. Labels are a communication strategy that defuses negatives and reinforces positives. They make the client feel heard and understood. A label is a single-sentence observation, question, or statement phrased similar to “it sounds like…”, “it seems like…”, “it feels like…”, or “it…