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Silence
Silence gives the other person time to think and absorb the information you’ve told them. This is especially true after a label, “It seems like…”, “it sounds like…”, or “it feels like…” I remember the power of silence with an intervention for a friend who was working 120 hours a week. I said something and…
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Focus on Who’s Next
Focus on who’s next. Not the distant future. Not the bills you have to pay. Not what you have to do later today. Just focus on who’s next. Think about what you might say in your next conversation to help the other person become better than they are. Prepare yourself and your mind to listen. …
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Expectation v. Agreement
In learning how to coach, I came across an audio by Steve Chandler on Expectation v. Agreement. He argues that expectation is disastrous and agreements are powerful. He tells a story of an executive whose product manager isn’t getting things done on time. Steve Chandler asks the executive, “What agreement do you have with him?”…
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The “Day After Perfect”
After not sending my daily email for the first time l yesterday, it seemed like a good time to talk about how to deal with imperfections. I’ve found that it’s often more important to keep going than to catch up. When we get behind it can ironically be easy to get further and further behind…
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What I like about that idea is…
If someone says something you don’t like, but you still want to help them (or need to collaborate with them), try this: What I like about that idea is… And ___ Fill the blank with another idea that’s triggered by what you liked about their idea. Don’t lie, but fill out “What I like about…
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“Is it what the teacher teaches or what the student learns?”
In one of my favorite book series’ there is a difficult teacher who gives the main character (Jacen) a hard time. When Jacen gets upset and lashes out verbally, she responds with “Is it what the teacher teaches or what the student learns?” (emphasis mine). When you’re studying communication, you can learn from good teachers…
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What works for me might not work for you.
What works for me might not work for you. Let’s find something that does work. I was practicing coaching on another coach today and had a problem that was familiar to me: Motivation that starts strong in the morning and drops quickly over the course of the day. I have chronic pain and deal with…
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“Yes, but…”
When someone presents an idea that has some good elements and some bad elements, it can be tempting for me to say: “Yes, but [whatever I think is wrong with their idea]” instead of: “Yes, and here’s how you could build on that idea”. “Yes, but…” can make them feel like you don’t understand what…
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Framing
One of my clients was trying to charge a setup fee to figure out what needs to be done for software projects before agreeing to do a big project. He got push-back on the idea of a setup fee from clients and few, if any, paid it. While working together we reframed the “setup fee”…
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One Question for You (and testing a tip).
Would you rather read writing like what I’ve been sending (that’s more general), or would you prefer writing that’s more specifically about communication in closing deals and navigating difficult conversations? Tip: It’s best to ask one question at a time. You’re more likely to get a response, and a more likely to get a good…